Money and Marriage: Reigniting your romance can give a huge boost to your financial life!

I was talking to a client on the phone who shared with me, “It seems like I am so busy working from the moment I get up in the morning till the moment I go to bed at night.”
She went on… “I have to be honest with you, I get your newsletters and read about all the wonderful experiences that you have with your husband and family and it literally makes me not want to read your articles! And please know that it’s not because you’re articles aren’t great – they’re incredibly inspiring.
It’s because I feel envious – I want more time for my family and myself! And I don’t have that kind of time because I’m too busy working hard to make enough money to pay the bills each month and trying to get financially ahead!”
She paused a moment. I could hear how frustrated she was and how much she sincerely wanted to make more time to “embrace her life,” as she worded it. But she was so busy working hard that she didn’t feel like she could afford to make time to enjoy it. Her comment really made me pause and think.
Often we’re so busy working hard to make more money, run errands, manage the household and take care of our children that we end up feeling less connected with our spouses in our marriage. We spend less time together as a whole, and to make matters worse, when we do spend time with our spouse we’re often preoccupied with something else (like financial matters, if you’re struggling financially and especially if you run your own business).

Working hard just to make ends meet
When you’re working hard just to make ends meet and you still don’t have enough money to make it through to the end of the month it seems like there is no way that you could possibly set aside extra time to connect with your spouse.
And unfortunately when you do make time to “connect” that time is often spent discussing money matters or family details. Bringing up the sensitive topic of money can easily lead to arguments.
The reason this happens is because we are unconsciously making weekly, daily – even hourly withdrawals from our “relationship account.” And many of us are dangerously over-drafted and drastically in the red.
If you want to put an end to reactive money arguments make an effort to have a small amount of quality connection time with your spouse during the day. These connections will result in “emotional deposits” back into your relationship account.
An emotional deposit can be simple things like being present with your partner and just talking (about things other than money, work details or practical matters), letting your partner know about something that you appreciate about them, or just spending quiet time relaxing with your spouse sipping tea or a nice glass of wine.
I want to inspire you to set aside quality time to really connect with your spouse – and during these times you are NOT allowed to discuss money issues!
Re-establishing connection with your beloved is an investment that takes very little time
Rediscovering the love and connection with your loved one doesn’t have to take much time. It could be something as simple as sitting together on the couch and visiting after a long day of work, going for a walk in the evening near your home, exchanging back rubs or setting up a special date night – just make sure it’s just the two of you. My husband and I started going out on date nights out again after the birth of our son.
We don’t do anything super fancy. It might include having a long leisurely meal and then a stroll in a park. It’s amazing how this simple time together reestablishes our love and connection with one another. It’s when we’re more connected with each other we are less likely to have reactive financial conversations.
Make it a priority to make a deposit into your emotional relationship account with your spouse and create connection with each other before you begin discussing money issues. Once you’ve taken the time to make this investment you’ll find that you don’t feel as volatile or reactive when it comes to talking about money. And you’ll both be in a better space to powerfully tackle and deal with money issues as a united, calm, productive and creative team!