How to Turn Your Money Arguments into Stress Free Money Conversations

The other evening I attempted to share the details of my day with my husband. My day hadn’t gone very well – I was feeling frustrated and looking forward to a quiet, relaxing evening of connecting with my husband.
But when I started sharing I could sense him withdrawing and becoming anxious. After I had briefly talked about my problem he proceeded to jump straight into offering solutions and telling me how he thought I should handle the situation.
As I emotionally retreated I could hear the voice inside my head beginning to whine, “It’s happening AGAIN – he’s not listening to me … AGAIN!”
I told him, “When I talk all I ever really want is for you to just listen. I’m a smart, intelligent woman – I run a very successful coaching business, and I’m capable of figuring out what to do. I don’t need solutions right now – I just want to be heard, empathized with and understood.”
Of course my comment went over like the proverbial lead balloon. Each of us retreated to have some space and distance from the other. After a short time we reconnected.
During my “quiet time” I had an inspiration come to me and I asked my husband, “Hey honey, I have this fun inspiration and I was wondering if we could try something out. Would you be willing to hear my idea and see if you like it?”
“Okay, sure, go ahead,” he said.
“What if we each took turns talking and while one of us is sharing the other person simply listens. After the “talker” has finished the “listener” doesn’t need to reflect back, comment or say anything at all. Simply that – with no obligations to respond. Would you be willing to try this out?”

He agreed to try it.
I was amazed at what happened next!
What happened next surprised and amazed me – he listened fully and attentively. The energy between us completely shifted and the tension dissipated. After each of us had taken turns sharing and being listened to we began having a very lively, engaging and heartfelt two-way conversation.
“That was really fun, wasn’t it?”
He responded, “I agree! And you know what I really liked was that you invited me to participate instead of demanding it – like you did the first time when you complained about me not listening.”
How many times have you asked your partner to participate in a financial discussion only to have the conversation down spiral into an argument? It’s easy to blame our spouse when this happens. But if you were to redirect the focus back to yourself and be “financially honest” is it possible that your request is actually a demand in disguise?
You have an opportunity to instantly course-correct every moment of your life

When this happens you have the opportunity to focus on shifting how you’re showing up and responding to the situation instead of focusing all your attention on your spouse and the litany of things that they are doing “wrong.”
When you focus your energy and attention on yourself you bring in a willingness to let go of your expectations, demands and inner resentments so that you can truly come from an open place where your partner really does get to choose whether to participate in a financial conversation, or not.
It’s a human habit to dwell on what other people are doing wrong. But I’ve found that when I show up in a conscious and intentional way, redirect my focus back on myself and address my own resentments and reactions, that it’s as if the other people in my life transform as well.
In this particular situation my husband was somehow impacted by my internal shift and the miracles seemed to “magically happen before my very eyes.”
So here’s the key – our willingness to redirect our attention back on ourselves will support us in releasing judgment and anger and will create a bridge to a new more empowered relationship with ourselves, and our financial relationship with our spouse.