3 Steps to Peacefully Talk about Money in Your

Most of us struggle with communicating peacefully about finances with our partners. This is understandable since money is a loaded topic that can cause us to instantly react in spite of our best intentions.
Financial Dating® is a powerful tool that you can use to transform your financial conflicts and frustrations into rich, connecting conversations and concrete financial results. I consider the following three steps to be the bare bone essentials to keep in mind when participating in successful Financial Dates®.
I encourage you to print this article and tape it to your office wall to keep these three essential steps at the top of your mind – and to serve as a reminder to have your Dates.
Have regular Financial Dates®.
Financial Dating® is about cooperatively co-creating wealth with your life partner. The number one step to keep in mind is to have regular Financial Dates – otherwise, I guarantee that you’ll find yourselves talking about money when you feel reactive and anxious– whether it’s after you’ve experienced that familiar churning sensation in your stomach when you’ve noticed that your partner made another major purchase to the credit card without talking to you first, or gave the kids money without your knowledge. These are very bad times to talk about money because you are already in a reactive and volatile mindset. The most effective way to prevent money surprises is to have regular Financial Dates.
Make it a goal to set aside time for twice monthly Financial Dates®, while striving to work your way up to three Dates per month. If having several Dates a month feels too daunting to you, start with at least one Date a month. You can always gradually increase the number of Dates later. You can start participating in Dates immediately without knowing anything else about Financial Dating. The important thing is to begin having scheduled conversations about money with your partner.
Get clear and baby step your way to the top.
Get clear about what you want to focus on during your Financial Dates. For many couples this can feel overwhelming. Relax. Instead of trying to add endless tasks to your financial to-do list, choose just three financial tasks or money issues to focus on for now.
Many of us gravitate towards identifying the big financial goals and easily give up when they seem out of reach. We would be more successful if we focused on achieving the incremental steps that lead up to the big goals.
One couple I work with has set a goal to purchase their first home. However, they were constantly behind on paying their bills. They identified their top financial goal of paying their bills on time. Now, after six months of consistently paying their bills on time, they’ve identified two new goals: to improve their credit score and to build up their savings for a down payment on a new home. All of these baby steps will lead to the desired result of being homeowners.
Identify three goals that you’d like to focus on accomplishing during your Financial Dates®. Identify three "financial hotspots” where you’re currently experiencing financial stress and anxiety. Then transform each financial hot spot into a clear goal.
Be willing to stretch and do the inner work Most of us believe financial success is about forcing ourselves to live frugally for the rest of our lives, balancing our checkbooks, tracking our spending, and making sure our partners change their bad money habits. But, in truth, financial success is a result of having the willingness to get honest and do the inner work.
"As within, so without.” Your financial life is a direct reflection and manifestation of the thoughts that are going on inside your mind. If you are fed up with the chaos in your financial life, then stop blaming other people and circumstances outside of yourself. Identify what it is about your way of thinking that is creating your external financial results.
Do you constantly blame your partner for your financial situation? Perhaps you need to step up to the plate and assume more responsibility instead of complaining. Identify just one of your limiting beliefs and behaviors that is getting in the way of achieving financial success. Then, focus on shifting that one belief or behavior until you’ve successfully overcome it.
I want to motivate and inspire you to have Financial Dates for the rest of your life. The power of Financial Dating lies in making it an integral part of your lifestyle and life together. If you do this, the rewards are many, and I can promise you that it will prove to be the most affordable insurance and assurance you could ever get in your marriage and your financial life.
Learn how to start having life-changing Financial Dates in your relationship. I’m excited share with you my Financial Dating Quick Start Series Book: The proven formula for co-creating wealth in your relationship (listen today and have your first date tonight!). Because I like to get a good deal, I want to pass a good deal on to all my newsletter subscribers. Click here to get more info.